My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
