But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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