I accidentally had phone sex last night
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
