this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
