I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
