Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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