sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
