I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
bring money and cleavage
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
