My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
