The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
