Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Say something about gay babies.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Watching her eat just hurts me
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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