flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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