the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
