Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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