there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
