i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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