did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
