Betty ford says i'm here all night
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
