Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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