I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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