i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize