I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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