smell my finger.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
