You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
