I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Come on in and take your pants off
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