You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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