I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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