I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
