I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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