Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
