It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
