I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize