Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
