respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
