Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
