Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
