I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
