Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
