I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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