dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize