What tipped you off? The sombrero?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
