Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
