I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
