half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
