im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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