woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
