Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
