I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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