my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
