well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
it's like heaven, but drunker
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
