my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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