We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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