remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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