I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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