Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Found the puke drawer
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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