I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
