Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
