the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
