He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
