We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
