Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
