I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
