if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
