I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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