he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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