yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
