Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my shit smells like andre
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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