Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I AM VODKA MAN
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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